All from a game of Taboo...

During a recent game of Taboo, a “friend” used the following as a clue: “Erin’s outlook on life”. The word was “negative” and not only did my teammates (yes, plural) guess it correctly, I had only met them a few hours previously. Now that gives a girl something to think about.

I don’t want to be considered negative. I much prefer the label of “cynical-idealist”, though I avoid labels as a general rule. I’ve been called everything from dreamer to negative. Yes, that is quite a range – which explains the oxymoron of my preferred “label”.

I admit that I have a cynical outlook on life which I’d like to fool myself is actually a realistic point of view. Simultaneously, way deep down, I cling to hope and the possibility that I may be wrong this time and everything will turn out as it should. I only share that side when I feel REALLY comfortable and safe or just compelled to be that vulnerable. It can be a very soft, gooey center when I let loose and most are just bewildered when it seeps through. Since that fateful game of Taboo, I’ve become quite convicted on my crusty, cynical outlook. Mentally, I’ve tried to justify it with the whole idealist side – hope and possibilities are good, right? But, it’s not working.

Then, several days ago, I read this by Oswald Chambers: “Jesus Christ never trusted human nature, yet He was never cynical, never suspicious, because He trusted absolutely in what He could do for human nature.”

So, cynicism is not reality. It is a lack of faith?? Ouch! I do want my attitude to be that of Christ. This is going to be tough.

Can I handle my idealism without the protection of a cynical cover? The hope and possibilities are limitless when they are based on the power of the Holy Spirit. This is also known as faith.

Can I let go of my bitter cynicism and see God’s Spirit at work in people, instead? That would shake my whole outlook. It would change how I pray. It would change how I consider people. It would change how I joke.

But, that will change my personality, won’t it? I’m afraid I’ll lose part of my identity.
Isn’t that the point of being renewed?

Ok, but must I give up my wit, too? I do like my wit. Can’t I still appreciate the ironies of life once I let go of the bitter cynicism?

Hmm… While I figure that one out, I’ll just be distrustful of man and ever hopeful in the power of God to change lives.