Look Where You're Going

Apparently, I'm a very distracted person. Most of the time I have a hard time concentrating on what I'm doing. That causes problems. A while back, I went through a period of actually tripping and falling to the ground in public for the simple reason that I wasn't paying attention to where and how placed my feet. I think I've surpassed that now. I haven't actually fallen in a while.

The conclusion I've come to is that I have so many thoughts, ideas, facts, possibilities and even trivia swirling in my head that I don't have any attention left for what is right in front of my eyes. I actually don't see things that are quite evident to others. Looking back through my life, this isn't something new, but it has been building through the years. I didn't realize that it wasn't normal until I was describing to someone and they asked me how I could live with so many thoughts constantly racing through my head.

It is weird to write about how odd I am, but it comforts me to finally be able to identify the specifics and then accept them. Maybe, once identified, I can do something about them or get them to work for me.

I've kept really busy lately, both mentally and actually "doing" things. It's kind of nice to keep going from one thing to the next, not dwelling on or committing to any one thing, but it's not very fulfilling. It's like eating carbs - I'm soon hungry for more.

I love thinking about possibilities, but sometimes I just dwell on impossibilities. Being busy distracts me for a bit, but in the meantime the thoughts just get more and more cluttered. The only way for me to actually deal with that clutter is to think and write. It sounds so simple, but truly it takes effort for me to take one thought at a time and deal with it. It's so much easier to interact with those around or watch a movie, read a book or knit. It's almost as if I'm afraid to be alone with my thoughts, but that's the only way to free up my mind for what God wants to put there.

So what's my point?

Um, I need to take more time for reflection and just let the world pass me by, if necessary. Stopping and reflecting allows me to see my path more clearly. It gives me time with the lover of my soul so that I get to know him better which leads me to trust him more. It builds my confidence in his sovereignty and faithfulness because I see where I've been and how he's provided every step of the way. The more I interact with him, the more I realize that I am different on purpose. That there isn't something "wrong" with me, but that I was designed this specific way for a reason.