Decision 2

I do not enjoy my job. Besides the frustration of trying to move the company forward in the direction they “say” they want to go, but aren’t willing to back that up with action; I feel pretty trapped by it because I’m stuck at a cubicle all day and it takes so much time out of my day. I realize that I could find something else, but at this point I don’t really know what I would “like” to do, so why skip around from job to job until I figure that out. And in spite of it all, my boss is really great and I do need to earn a paycheck.

This week I began to get up at 5:00 AM, two hours before I need to be at work. Sometimes it’s killer, but I realized that once I’m up, I enjoy the quiet before everyone else is up. In that time I exercise, shower, dress, read scripture or go over memory verses. Then, I grab my stuff and go to work. I have to tell you, these past few days haven’t been so bad.

I feel better for several reasons. One is, of course, the exercise. Unless you’re overexerting yourself exercise is always a good idea and great way to feel better. Go endorphins! :) Second, I hate rushing. So, when I take my time and make sure I have my lunch and plenty of time to get to work, my mood is better and I don’t stress about the traffic. Besides, I usually have time to stop by Starbucks. YUM!

However, the main reason for having better days is that work is no longer what gets me out of bed. I don’t have to get up. I choose to get up. I choose to exercise. I choose to read. I choose what to wear… though, I still look longingly at my jeans as I get dressed. And then it’s time to get to the office. Such a shift in perspective really improves my attitude about the whole thing. (In psychology, it’s called an internal locus of control.)

I still need to figure out something that will feed my soul and my belly…hm… Can you get paid for rambling thoughts?

Decision 1

I quit my aerobics class. Yes, it was good for me. Yes, I met new people. Yes, it was convenient that it was at work. Yes, it was a really good deal. Bla-bla-bla... I dreaded it. In fact, I’ve decided I hate aerobics classes and will never take one again.

“But, you really do need to work out.”

Be active, yes, but why must it be work? Why must it be something I don’t enjoy? Did God really intend for us to maintain our bodies with torture?

Granted, I’m far from understanding God’s mind, but it seems incongruous to me that the Creator of flowers, butterflies, and chocolate would then require that we “institutionalize” our bodies so they function properly. It’s not as if we’re cars that require scheduled maintenance. I guess some people do require the scheduled part. It’s just in them to compartmentalize everything in life. I prefer a holistic approach. After all, everything is interwoven, right? I want to have fun and I don’t believe that play is only for children (took me a long time to learn that).

Our bodies were made for movement, but repetitions and sets? I’ve broken free from those and my body is no longer in pain. Instead, it feels more and more alive. My muscles are waking up and primed to be used in some fun activity. This doesn’t mean that I don’t push myself. I have begun to run – ok, it’s really jogging for 5 minutes, but I do go a little further each time. I’m inspired by Eric Liddell, “I believe that God made me for a purpose… but he also made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure.”

I’m not fast - don't know if I ever will be, but I want to run and feel God’s pleasure! Looking for opportunities to be active is like looking for opportunities to show someone Christ’s love. In both, I fulfill my purpose and glorify my Father.

It's sobering to realize you're not as great as you think. Everyone has hang-ups, but you get along pretty well through life. And then, one day out of the blue, you come face-to-face with a major flaw (or flaws) that you had never seen before. What?!? Do I have to fix this, too?? Once again I'm reminded of Romans 12:3 "Do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought, but rather, think of yourselves with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of grace given you."

What a thought. To think of yourself according to the measure of grace God gave you. If I see myself through God's grace, I think I would be overwhelmed by the love the Father has for me. And yet, I would not be blind to all the imperfections - those things that separate me from him - and I would hate them for it. How would I live, then? That question has become a mantra of sorts for me.

I'm not satisfied with my life as is. I'm not satisfied with who I still am. There's an unnamed yearning that seems to be pulling in all different directions and in utter confusion I just collapse. I am weeding out unnecessary things that rob my time, like television. Now, I have more time to read and pray and learn Lindy Hop. :)

And I'm reading some really good books!
Small Footprint, Big Handprint - basically simplify your life and make a big impact for Christ.
The Journey to Desire - living out your God-given desires in a Christ-centered life