How is your prayer life?
Mine is more sporadic than constant, more whimsical than faithful, more trepidatious than confident. And all other areas of my life and person reflect that whimsy, trepidation, and lack of confidence.
Several months ago, a coworker told me that I needed to just deal with my insecurities because they were basically holding me back from living life to the fullest. Of course, I was offended when he said that. But, God has been gently opening my eyes to see the truth of the matter. Some days I'm on top of the world feeling like the most confident person alive. However, most days I want to hide from everyone and avoid having any kind of contact with people. And though I am an introvert, my people aversion goes deeper than a simple need to recharge. It is born of fear and insecurity, sometimes even masking as cynicism. Even once I realized my insecurities and how deep they ran, I had no clue what to do about them.
The Bible says to cast all our cares on Him who cares for us. So I started praying about them... sporadically, whimsically, trepidatiously. And then, I forgot about it.
And then last week, while watching a movie, God showed me how a situation--that usually makes me ill to my stomach--would go if I was living in love and confidence instead of fear and insecurity. The dreaded situation begins with the words "we need to talk". My immediate thought in those situations is "what did I do wrong this time?" However, the woman in the movie did not react with fear. She responded with peace and confidence. Over the previous weeks she had begun praying fervently for her marriage and her family. She opened herself to God's Spirit to work in her. She entrusted the difficult things into His capable hands. She knew that God would fulfill his promises to complete his good work in her life. That trust transformed her into a confident warrior. She no longer reacted in fear and anger when her husband was defensive, or when he lost his job, or when he confessed his wrongs. She knew that no matter what she faced, she was already in the Lord's hands and He would work things out.
Instead of spending time worrying, fearing, complaining, or my favorite, avoiding, she spent her time in prayer telling God about her problems and letting Him work in her heart.
The movie finished, but the image of the warrior princess who draws her confidence from Jesus stayed with me. My damaged and insecure heart whimpered, "That's what I want."
In case you want to check out the movie, it's "The War Room".
