How is your prayer life?

Mine is more sporadic than constant, more whimsical than faithful, more trepidatious than confident.  And all other areas of my life and person reflect that whimsy, trepidation, and lack of confidence.

Several months ago, a coworker told me that I needed to just deal with my insecurities because they were basically holding me back from living life to the fullest.  Of course, I was offended when he said that.  But, God has been gently opening my eyes to see the truth of the matter.  Some days I'm on top of the world feeling like the most confident person alive.  However, most days I want to hide from everyone and avoid having any kind of contact with people.  And though I am an introvert, my people aversion goes deeper than a simple need to recharge.  It is born of fear and insecurity, sometimes even masking as cynicism.  Even once I realized my insecurities and how deep they ran, I had no clue what to do about them.

The Bible says to cast all our cares on Him who cares for us.  So I started praying about them... sporadically, whimsically, trepidatiously.  And then, I forgot about it.

And then last week, while watching a movie, God showed me how a situation--that usually makes me ill to my stomach--would go if I was living in love and confidence instead of fear and insecurity.  The dreaded situation begins with the words "we need to talk".  My immediate thought in those situations is "what did I do wrong this time?"  However, the woman in the movie did not react with fear.  She responded with peace and confidence.  Over the previous weeks she had begun praying fervently for her marriage and her family.  She opened herself to God's Spirit to work in her.  She entrusted the difficult things into His capable hands.  She knew that God would fulfill his promises to complete his good work in her life.  That trust transformed her into a confident warrior.  She no longer reacted in fear and anger when her husband was defensive, or when he lost his job, or when he confessed his wrongs.  She knew that no matter what she faced, she was already in the Lord's hands and He would work things out.

Instead of spending time worrying, fearing, complaining, or my favorite, avoiding, she spent her time in prayer telling God about her problems and letting Him work in her heart.

The movie finished, but the image of the warrior princess who draws her confidence from Jesus stayed with me.  My damaged and insecure heart whimpered, "That's what I want."

In case you want to check out the movie, it's "The War Room".

What Motivates You?

Recently, I asked a friend what motivated him.  This was his answer:

I ask myself that question constantly, because when your motivations are wrong life lacks meaning.  I examine myself constantly to know if maybe unconsciously my motivation is wrong or that it leads me away from God's purpose for my life.

What motivates me the most, without a doubt, is knowing that I'm part of God's kingdom, that He has granted me the privilege of serving him and that I'm part of something greater.  I'm motivated by knowing that there is so much to do, that that is in His hands.  I just have to say "here I am" and he will use me just as He wills.  My motivation is to be part of what God is doing in my generation.  I want to see it with my own eyes.  I want to be part of God moving, that supernatural moving.  He is my standard, my identity and everything I could ever really want.

Wow.

So, I've been questioning EVERYTHING this past week, my reason for waking at a certain time, my reason for going to bed, eating, how much I eat. etc...  It's a bit exhausting, but on the flip side a really good spiritual workout, too.  Good workouts are supposed to be exhausting, right?

One of the things I realized is that I do things to please people a LOT.  One of my biggest motivations is so that people will like me.  And I'm becoming more and more convinced that is not a good reason to do most things.  If for no other reason, if everything you do pleases people, it's harder to do the right thing when it's not popular or pleasing.

Got Any Praises to Report?

I came to a realization recently.  It came by an innocent question, "Anyone have any praises or blessings they'd like to share?"  And then, silence. 

There we were -- the staff at church -- looking over Sunday's prayer requests and without a bit of God's goodness to report.  It really bothered me.  How can we say we believe in a living, active, all-powerful God and then draw a blank when asked to report on His Goodness?

I realized I haven't been paying attention. 

Later I remembered how Billie had encouraged my prayer life.  She shared with me that she talks to God without artifice, just chatting away as she does with her friends.  I remember being that way when I was younger.  I asked Jesus to help me reclaim that.

Friday, over lunch, Rita shared that she senses the Holy Spirit moving in our church (I didn't tell her about our staff meeting) in a way that hasn't happened for years.  We both feel on the verge of revival, but something is in the way.

I can't remember the last time I sat down with someone and talked about scripture (outside of Sunday school class), shared new insights, or ways I'd seen God at work.  I need that. I think it's vital to church.

For some reason, that kind of intimacy is scary.  We don't want to share.  We don't want to confront. We don't want to grow.  It seems we huddle in fear hoping our inadequacies don't show, too prideful to let anyone in as they might find our weaknesses.  So, we put on a strong front (pride).

We become masters of pretense and excuses.
We become mockers and cynics.

In our own way, we become Pharisees -- projecting a good show on the outside that crumbles on the inside.  To top it off, we impose this illusion others and burden them with a "churchy" lifestyle.

Jesus rebuked Pharisees.  He hates "churchy-ness" and show.

Pride and Fear: we fail to see them for what they are -- the deceivers greatest arsenal.
Christ's perfect love casts them out.

Trust and Obedience: they go hand in hand.  Your trust in Christ is evidenced in your obedience to him.  You can't obey unless you trust him.  But, you can't do either unless you are in the Word.  You need to know God's word to what you can trust and how to obey.

Recently, someone told me that Bible study wasn't their gift so they based their entire Christian life on prayer.  I should have asked them, "If you don't read your Bible and know what God says, on what do you base your prayers?"  It seems to me that they would become whimsical wishing that's easily led astray.

The strongest, most powerful Christians I know make time to read and study their Bibles.  They can pray with authority and claim God's promises because they know what His Word says!

I want to grow, but how can that happen without instruction and correction? 
I want to have unity and intimacy with other believers, but pride and fear get in the way. 
I want to "be happy in Jesus" -- as that old song goes.

And so, I will fling away pride and fear.  I will learn to trust and obey.  And I'll pay attention to what God is doing around me so I have an answer the next time someone asks me if I have a praise.